Stephanie Rodzon . March 30, 2025

Up till this point, my experience on this planet had been doom and gloom. During that time in my life, there was very little light. Not too many glowing memories I could share with others or even remind myself of. In fact, those moments led me down a dark and twisted road. My childhood, my “daddy issues”, abusive husband, coupled with my plethora of mental ailments, was a recipe for disaster. (Enter alcohol) 

During my teenage years, my best friends were MD 20/20 and Boones Farm; of course those were all the rage back then and very easy to get. Drinking and being a very fluent stoner pretty much meant education was out of the question, and there was little to no interest in finishing school. So, with moms’ approval, I dropped out at 16. Of course, it was an easy decision on her behalf because I spent more time in suspension than I did in classrooms. I was in a fight every other week. I got tired of the bullies, tired of rumors and started swinging. Would I do things differently now? Knowing what I know, YES of course. But that’s the thing with life, there are no do-overs. We get ONE chance to live each day, we have to make good choices while we can. If we don’t, we certainly pay the price. The price for me was barely a high school education and a raging drug addiction.

 I married my 3^rd monster at 21. Yes, I dated him on and off for YEARS. He really had me convinced I was nothing but trash; that no one on this planet would possibly want me. I stayed with the mental abuse; I even married it. Once that marriage certificate was signed, it became A LOT worse. No longer just mental, but physical as well. I couldn’t take it anymore; I packed up and left after six months of marriage. That’s when I found my bestest (I know, not a word) friend ever, whiskey. That was my love for many, many years. All my problems seemed to dissolve once I reached the bottom of that bottle of Jack. No more tears to cry, no more burdens to bear, just peaceful blackouts where this world disappeared. 

After I got a divorce (only married for 6 months) I worked in a restaurant, started as a dishwasher and worked my way up to bar manager. Perfect position for a functioning alcoholic. Surrounded by all my “friends” Jack and Jim, Jameson and Mark. It was able to keep the sickness away effortlessly while I worked the 12-hour shifts. Sure, my speech was maybe a little slurred but I was still an effective boss. I still can’t believe I never got fired. Thank God I didn’t because I had a 2 year old son who depended on me. I still feel guilty of the things my son had to endure while I fought my demons. No matter how bad I seemed with alcohol, those monstrous moments will never compare to when I found opiates. Opiates consumed my soul. It was the darkest abyss you could ever imagine. The things I was capable of doing, the things I did, truly were what nightmares are made of. 

Come back for the next installment to meet my demons.