Welcome back, the boys actually wanted me to write another one. If you, the reader, has chosen to give me any more of your time, I thank you. 

“Time”, what a precious thing. How quickly it flies by. One minute we are children laughing and playing without a care in the world. Next, we are adults with nothing but worry. For this installment of the ”Rodzilla chronicles” I would like to take you back, back to the time when I shouldn’t have had any worry, to a time when I was supposed to be enjoying the magic of life. My childhood.

I didn’t have a common childhood, ya know, the ones filled with laughter; I wasn’t surrounded by family and friends. I did, however, have my fair share of bullies and tears. Never really fitting in anywhere takes a toll on a young mind. I do have siblings, but they are much older than I am, so the common” sibling bond” was never really present. They did, however, have A LOT of friends, the entire town knew who they were. I always idolized them for that reason. I wanted so badly to be like that, to be them. This sentiment will come into play later in life.

 I am the baby of the family, surprising my mother with my presence much later in her years. The time when most women are done having babies, so her “frustration” showed up many times throughout my life, the sperm donor being a sh*thead didn’t help any. He disappeared when I was 6, I don’t remember much, I only know little tid bits about him and his family. For a long time “daddy issues” ran my life choices. Or at least I laid the blame at his feet. Self-accountability was not my thing. So, here we have a young girl, no friends, mother always working and when she wasn’t working, she was sleeping (she supported all of us on her own with no help), sister and brother always hanging out with friends, a town full of bullies, a lonely mind longing for connection. It’s a recipe for disaster and a disaster I became. 

It didn’t happen slowly over the course of many years, no, my chaos started in the blink of an eye. I went from a straight” A” student loved by my teachers to a “ no f*cks left criminal”. Tears fill my eyes as I type this, the pain of those years has yet to leave me, no matter how many internet friends I have or I should say “ I think I have”, the loneliness is still very present. It’s why I submerse myself in animals and plants. It’s why I am more of a friend to my children than I am a parent. I never want them to feel alone like I did. Or perhaps it’s a more selfish reason, I guess that would be a question for my therapist…

So I set the stage, gave you a little deeper look into who this “ Rodzilla”  Character is. Now, sit back and buckle up cause shits about to get REAL….. To be continued